


It's Just a Shirt

by SM (abcdefuk_off)



Series: The Many Stages of Jalec [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Parabatai, Past Child Abuse, Pre series, and we're going with the tv version where that wasn't forbidden because that works best for me, eventually, jalec - Freeform, just a lot of cuteness im gonna be real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-08-14 01:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20184031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abcdefuk_off/pseuds/SM
Summary: Jace is the mystery that Alec will never cease trying to solve.





	1. Friends

Alec frowned, his foot tapping as he watched the entrance to the training room.

Jace was supposed to meet him here as soon as he got back from his run, because Jace did that, he ran laps all the time without ever being instructed to do such a monotonous exercise – it was probably something his father had made him do. Alec often joined him, partly because he enjoyed the challenge and fresh air, but mostly because he felt like he should be keeping an eye on the kid – he was new to the institute and Alec felt some strange responsibility toward the big-eyed child. 

Alec hadn’t been able to join Jace this morning, he’d been forced to sit through an insufferable lecture on diplomacy. The entire time he had been counting down the seconds until he could meet Jace for training – which is what they always did after he finished his run. Jace was teaching him some hand-to-hand, the boy was younger than Alec but he was far more skilled in that particular form of contact. But he was late, and not just ran-an-extra-lap late, or still-learning-the-institute late – he was _late_ late. 

Alec chewed on his bottom lip, not even bothering to practice his aim, because he was too watching out for the little blonde boy. After another twenty minutes Alec gave up pretending that he was doing anything but staring at the entrance, and set out to find his new friend. 

He looked outside first, Jace usually ran his laps around the institute, but Alec stood there for some time and saw no sign of him. He might have decided to take a different route, but he didn’t know the area all that well so it wasn’t the most likely of scenarios. Alec sighed, making his way back inside, checking a few other places before heading up to their shared bedroom – it was his room really, but since Jace had moved in he tried to refer to it as their room because he wanted Jace to feel included. It was bad enough the kid had been ripped away from his home and had shown up with next to no belongings, Alec wanted to do what he could to make Jace feel like he had _something_. 

There was no sign of the missing child in the bedroom, but as Alec was about to turn and continue his search, he heard the sound of water running and looked to see that the bathroom door was closed. He figured Jace was taking a shower, but as he listened closer he knew it was just the tap that was on. He moved further into the bedroom and knocked softly on the bathroom door. 

“Jace?” He called softly after there was no reply to his knock. 

“Just a minute.”

The request was sensible enough, but the small voice in which it was spoke was not sitting right with Alec. He didn’t know the new kid all that well, but he knew enough being a big brother what it sounded like when someone was trying to talk through tears. 

And Jace didn’t cry – he hadn’t cried a single time since he’d arrived, some nights he would have nightmares and whimper – but even then there were rarely tears. 

“Is everything okay?” Alec asked, perhaps the younger boy was not feeling well or maybe he was just sad, either way something was most definitely wrong.

“Yeah.” 

There was no assurance in the raspy exclamation. Alec shifted from foot-to-foot, entirely unsure of what to do. If Izzy was hurt or upset she just came to him, and Max was just a baby but Alec could usually figure out why he was crying. Jace was different, he was a mystery that Alec was never too sure quite how to solve – but from the moment he laid eyes on the pale bruised boy, he knew that he would never strop trying. 

“I’m, uuhh, I’m gonna- I’m gonna come in.” As unsure as he was, he didn’t make it a question because he knew the answer would be no, from what he knew about Jace already was that the boy was fiercely independent and never asked for help, though on occasion Alec’s (and only Alec’s) offers weren’t turned away. 

He slowly opened the door, hoping not to hear any objections but prepared to pull back if he did. He slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him – not as though they would be interrupted, but he just felt like he needed to protect Jace from whatever it was that had him hiding out in the first place. 

He heard a sniff and looked up, all he could see was Jace’s back as the boy stood just to the left of the sink, the faucet still running.

“Jace?” Alec called out softly, stepping closer. 

There was no response but the young shadowhunter heard another sniff and quietly observed the scene before him, so that he’d have a better idea on what approach to take. 

Jace was shirtless – and though Alec assumed he would have seen the kid without a shirt before, Alec couldn’t remember noticing any of the details that now captured his attention. 

The boy’s spine was so easy to see, so were his shoulder blades - Alec had realized early on that Jace was quite skinny, he had assumed it was from all the running the kid did, but after hearing so many of his nightmares he wasn’t so sure about that particular theory; either way, he didn’t like it. There were runes on the pale skin – too many of them according to all the gossip that had been wafting though the institute hallways– but Alec had known about those, everyone had because they couldn’t all be hidden by clothing. The scars, though, they were a new discovery. The sight of them had Alec’s insides twisting up, the same way they had the first day Jace showed up littered in bruises. Alec hadn’t known where any of those bruises came from, and he had no idea about the origins of all the scars he could see now – but he knew down to his bones that the markings were simply _wrong_, he knew that the pale skin should never be tarnished in such a way. It wasn’t right. And it tore at Alec from the inside-out. 

The other thing that Alec noticed?

Jace was shaking.

“Jace? What’s wrong?” He asked, fear growing in his gut. 

“Nothing. I just – sorry I know I’m late to training – I just need another couple minutes.” 

“To do what?” Alec questioned, moving closer and craning his neck to see what it was Jace was so concentrated on.

It was just a shirt, the grey long-sleeve shirt that Jace had put on before his run that morning. It was in the pale shaking hands and he was scrubbing hard at the fabric. 

Alec shifted up to his tiptoes, leaning to the right – that was when he saw the red. 

“Jace, what happened?” He asked, knowing that the red mark that stained the shirt had to be blood – sure there were other explanations – but he just knew that it was blood.

“I’m sorry. It was an accident. I’ll get it off.” 

Alec frowned at the panic-toned and the fact that the reply hadn’t answered his question in the slightest. 

“How’d it get on there? What happened, Jace?”

“It was stupid. I just- I tripped. I tripped and I scraped my hands, but I didn’t know -- I swear I didn’t know I was bleeding – and I must have wiped them on my shirt. It was an accident.” Jace finally turned to face Alec, his bi-coloured eyes wide and watery as he stared imploringly at the older boy. “Please don’t tell anyone. I promise it won’t happen again.” 

Alec was dumbfounded, he never had any idea what Jace would say or do from one minute to the next, but he hadn’t expected that. “Who would I tell?” He wondered aloud, completely confused as to who it was that Jace seemed to be so afraid of. 

“R-Robert or Maryse, they just took me in. I-I don’t…I shouldn’t be making trouble.” 

Alec shook his head, his stomach all twisted up because this wasn’t right – he didn’t understand the reason for Jace’s reaction but he could see the tears in his eyes and the way he was shaking and he knew that terrible things must have had happened to the younger child to make him so scared, _terrible things_. He reached forward and grabbed the shirt, Jace was hesitant, but eventually allowed the clothing article to be tugged from his grip. Alec gave the shirt no more than a glance before setting it aside on the counter and extending his hands back out to the blonde boy. 

Jace frowned down at Alec’s reach, clearly not understanding what he wanted. 

Alec huffed a sound that Izzy always said made him sound like a grumpy cat (whatever that’s supposed to mean) and stepped closer, lightly grabbing hold of Jace’s wrists, bringing them up and turning them over until the boy’s palms were face-up.

Alec hissed at the sight of the shredded skin, there was still dirt and pebbles imbedded in the wounds.

“This looks painful.” He mumbled, mostly to himself, as he bent down closer to the bloodied appendages. 

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have tripped, and I shouldn’t have wiped my hands on my shirt, it was stupid.” 

“It’s just a shirt, Jace.” Alec pointed out, eyebrows raised, still gently holding the damaged hands. 

“I just got it a couple days ago, and now I’ve already messed it up. But I’ll fix it, I promise – just please don’t tell your parents.” 

The kid was practically begging and it made Alec feel uneasy – but he wasn’t sure why, he was just sure that he wanted it to stop right now and he never wanted to hear it again. 

“I won’t tell anyone, Jace, I promise.”

He was relieved that the younger boy seemed to settle at least a little at the declaration. Alec gently guided the hands toward the sink, twisting the tap to slow the water pressure and testing the temperature with his finger, before guiding Jace’s right hand directly beneath the spray. He used his thumbs to gently scratch at the more stubborn specks of dirt. He was surprised that Jace never pulled away, he didn’t even flinch. Izzy had scraped her knee a while back and when Alec had cleaned it with a damp cloth, his sister had squirmed and whined nonstop until the bandage was finally secured in place. 

Jace was still and quiet and it was…unnerving. 

“Why don’t you want my parents to know? What do you think they would do?” Alec ventured quietly, not really sure he wanted to know the answer – but it would help him in solving the mystery that was Jace Wayland. He waited quietly for the response as he switched out the clean hand for the dirty one and continued the cleaning process. 

“They just took me in, and this is the first place that I- I’ve ever…” Jace faded off, Alec could see the blonde head shake from out the corner of his eyes; he waited to see if the younger boy would continue, not wanting to rush or force him into sharing anything he didn’t want to. “I just got here, and there’s nowhere else… I just don’t want to be sent away.” Jace added so quietly that Alec had to strain to hear him over the trickling water. 

The dark-haired boy scowled at the confession, but decided to wait until he was finished cleaning all the dirt out of his friend’s cuts, before attempting a response. He twisted off the tap and grabbed a clean cloth out of the drawer, beginning to dab Jace’s palms clean.

“Don’t, you’ll get blood on it.” The boy objected, trying to pull away. 

Alec tightened his hold on the slim wrists. “Stop moving.” He instructed simply, continuing with the drying process once Jace thankfully stilled. 

He inspected the palms to make sure all the skin was clean, pinching his lips at the cuts that were still oozing. 

“Do you, umm, do you need bandaids?” He asked.

“No, it’s fine. I just use some paper towel or something. I’ll be sure not to touch anything.” Jace vowed, as though he thought Alec was concerned about him marching around the institute staining things. 

Alec just barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the absurdity of such a notion. 

“No, what I mean is – you have runes, so can you- I mean, do you just need your stele? Or…” 

“Oh, I don’t have one. My dad always kept it, he didn’t want me, uuuhh, activating things without his permission.” Jace responded vaguely. 

_That explained the scars. _Alec inwardly cringed at the thought but did his best not to show any sort of physical response.

“And Maryse said I wouldn’t get another one until the time is appropriate.” Jace explained, sounding as though he was repeating exactly what had been said to him. 

“Okay, so you need bandaids.” Alec summed up with a nod, he nudged Jace over to the toilet, knocking the lid down and nodding for the younger boy to take a seat. “Keep holding the towel between your hands, I’ll be right back.” 

Once he received a nod of understanding he made his way out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. His mind running a hundred miles an hour as he went to fetch the box of bandages, being sure to be stealth so no one would ask any questions. He was glad that everyone seemed occupied enough not to notice his coming and goings as he returned to his – _their _– bedroom. 

“Jace, it’s just me.” He warned as he re-entered the bathroom. He frowned at the sound of running water and looked up to see the thin body positioned back in front of the sink. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m just cleaning it.” Jace responded, scrubbing at the stupid grey shirt. 

“I just dried your hands! You were supposed to just sit there with the towel and wait.” Alec grumbled in that way that made Izzy say he sounded older than their dad. 

He turned off the tap and pulled the stained clothing from Jace’s grip, tossing it carelessly to the side. “It’s just a shirt.” He grumbled again, gently but firmly pushing the slim frame back towards the toilet. 

“I don’t have very many.” Jace muttered in response as he sat. 

“Then I’ll tell mom you need more.” 

“No! Don’t! Alec, you can’t tell! You said you wouldn’t!” 

Alec’s frustration drained at Jace’s panicked response. 

“I won’t tell her anything about what happened. I won’t tell her what happened to your shirt, I promise.” Alec assured as he began to once again dab the damaged hands dry, looking to see where he would need to be placing the bandages. 

The younger boy relaxed a little, his shoulders dropping. 

“But, Jace,” Alec looked up from the hands and waited for the bicoloured eyes to meet him. “You’re part of our family now; they won’t send you away.” 

“But they might, if I make too much trouble they might.” Jace insisted, eyes wide and bright. 

Alec shook his head. “They _won’t_ and I would never let them.” 

Jace’s eyes grew impossibly wider.

“We’re friends, right?” 

Jace nodded quick and eager, which brought some relief to Alec because they had never really stated that out loud. He had thought Jace felt the same way he did, especially when the younger boy let him comfort him after nightmares, but he didn’t want to assume anything. 

“Well, friends protect each other, right?” 

Jace’s nod was a little more hesitant the second time around. “I think so. I’ve never had a friend.” He confessed with whisper. 

“Me neither.” Alec replied with a shrug. “But I think they should protect each other, don’t you?” 

Jace’s nod was far more confident now. 

Alec returned the nod, feeling confident they were on the same page. “Good. So that means we don’t let bad stuff happen to each other.” 

“We don’t let each other get hurt.” Jace added, his expression solemn and serious. 

“And we don’t let each other get sent away.” Alec emphasized.

It took a moment, but eventually Jace nodded once again, seeming to be accepting the information as the truth that it was.

Alec gave an encouraging smile, which Jace quickly returned, and then placed his focus back on the cuts covering the small palms. 

“And you don’t need to worry about the shirt. You can have one of mine and I’ll throw yours out, no one will know.” 

“I can fix it.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I know, but I want to.” 

Alec shrugged, not questioning the strange insistence. He had figured out a thing or two about the odd little blonde boy today, he knew there were many others that would remain mysteries.

_For now_. 


	2. Parabatai

Alec was horrified. 

He had only meant to clean it. 

He hadn’t meant to – well – ruin it. 

He ran his fingers over the warped material. 

He swallowed, trying to contain the panic that was rising up inside of him. 

The leather jacket was destroyed and it was all his fault. 

Jace would be furious. 

The younger boy was so damn particular about his clothes, he was so careful with them. He always sewed holes that developed and spent so much time ridding of each and every stain that appeared on any of his clothes. No matter how many times Alec would tell him not to worry, would insist that no one would be upset and that the two of them could go out and just buy him new things – Jace still insisted on repairing each damaged article. 

He had been that way since he arrived at the institute. He’d had next to no belongings, just a small bag of clothes that he had meticulously placed in the closet. Not long after, he had gotten blood on his shirt and had been so upset trying to clean it off. Alec thought Jace would be less concerned about the state of his clothing after the older boy had assured him that he would never be sent away- not for staining his clothes or anything else; but that wasn’t the case.

It was bad enough that Alec had wrecked a piece of Jace’s clothing, but his leather jacket was the thing he loved the most. 

Alec had given it to him less than a month ago, right after there parabatai ceremony. He could still clearly recall how Jace had beamed at him – he didn’t think he’d ever seen the younger teen smile so widely. He had hugged Alec so hard he’d felt his back crack. It’d been the greatest feeling in the world, being the one to make Jace so happy. 

Last night they had gone on a hunt and it had gotten a bit … messy. Jace had been fretting about his leather jacket being filthy all the way home and had wanted to clean it before bed, but when Alec had come to check on his parabatai after reporting to his mom, he’d found the blonde boy asleep half-dressed hanging off the end of his bed. Alec had quirked a fond smile as he’d tugged off Jace’s shoes and lifted his legs onto the bed, pulling the covers over the slim frame. He had seen the dirtied jacket draped over the chair and had taken it with him, deciding he would clean it for the younger teen. 

He had placed it in the washing machine early that morning.

He had meant to be helpful. 

But all he had done was destroy Jace’s most treasured possession. 

Alec clenched his jaw, furious with himself as he stared down at the damage he had done. He didn’t know how to fix it – didn’t know if it could be repaired. He was going to have to tell Jace. Anxiety pierced through him at the thought. Jace had never been angry with him, not truly angry, but Alec had a feeling today was the day. Dread filled him at the thought of having Jace cross with him, not that he didn’t deserve his friend’s fury, because he knew that he did, but still the thought of it made him feel sick to his stomach. 

He froze at the sound of footsteps nearing his door, the increasingly-familiar warmth radiating from the rune on his hip telling him exactly who was approaching. He quickly moved back to sit on his mattress, setting the jacket on the ground and sliding it beneath the bed before snagging the closest book off the side table and settling back against the headboard. 

Jace didn’t knock, he didn’t need to, the room had once belonged to him – it still did in many ways. 

“Hey.” The blonde boy greeted, softly closing the door behind him as he entered. 

Alec looked up from the book he was pretending to read. “Hey, you been training?” He asked, already knowing the answer based on Jace’s outfit and the his slightly mussed hairstyle. 

“Yeah, you brushing up on your Latin?” He quarried with a smirk as he climbed up onto the bed, sitting with his legs crossed at the end of the mattress, directly across from the dark-haired boy. 

Alec nodded, unaware until that moment which book he had selected, but he just went with it. “Umm, yeah.” He responded. 

Jace’s raised eyebrows made it clear he wasn’t buying it, but Alec didn’t quite understand the reason behind the amusement he saw dancing in those bicoloured eyes. 

“So, you want to tell me what’s got you stressing out now? Or do you want to try and read a couple more chapters of upside-down Latin, first?” Jace asked, a smirk on his lips as he reached out and tapped the open pages.

Alec frowned, glancing down at the book in his hands and realizing that he was holding it the wrong way around. 

Damn. 

He sighed, cursing silently as he closed the book and tossed it to the side. He looked down, twisting his fingers in his lap, glancing up when the mattress shifted and watching as Jace shift closer. 

“Why are you so stressed?” He asked, his expression no longer entertained, but concerned.

“I’m not.” The older teen dismissed. 

Jace sighed, frustration filtering through. “Yeah, Alec, you are. It’s all over the bond – it’s so distracting I nearly lost a scrimmage with Izzy.” 

“Well, we certainly can’t have that.” Alec snorted. 

Jace’s amused smirk returned. “No, we can’t. She’s insufferable any time she beats me at anything.” He whined. 

Alec smiled. “I wonder who she picked that up from.” He mused. 

“Her big brother, obviously.” Jace replied, bumping his bare foot into Alec’s sock-clad one.

Alec chuckled softly, though the joy quickly faded as his thoughts ventured back to the ruined jacket hidden beneath his bed. 

“Hey, c’mon, what’s going on? What’s got you so—

“Wound up.” 

“_Anxious_.” Jace clarified, shifting closer until their knees were touching. 

He looked so concerned and so sincere, it made Alec all the more distressed over the information he was about to share. He released a defeated sigh, before leaning over the mattress and reaching down to the floor, gripping the leather material between his fingers and pulling it up onto the bed, sliding it in the smaller boy’s direction. 

Jace’s brow furrowed as he grabbed the jacket, holding it and turning it over in his fingers – examining the damage.

“I’m so sorry, Jace.” Alec croaked, nervous for Jace’s reaction but refusing to look away from him, knowing he deserved whatever was coming his way. “I just wanted to wash it for you, cause I know how much you hate when your clothes get dirty and stained. I didn’t mean to ruin it. I should have been more careful; I should have paid more attention. I’m so sorry.” 

He bit down on his bottom lip, unsure of what else to say, knowing there was no apology that would be sufficient, but feeling like he needed to offer so much more. 

“I’ll get you a new one.” He offered, desperate to make things right. 

Jace’s expression hadn’t changed much from confusion, as he set the ruined clothing aside and looked back over at Alec. 

“Why are you so stressed out about my jacket?” He queried, sounding genuinely perplexed. 

Alec was completely thrown. “What do you mean?” 

Jace shifted even closer, wriggling his way in between Alec’s extended legs. “You’re so anxious I can feel it without even trying.” He explained, his hand pressing against his hip where the new rune was imprinted. 

Alec lowered his gaze, only to have Jace duck down to find it a second later.

“Are you really this upset over a coat? Or is something else going on?” 

Alec shook his head. “There’s nothing else.”

“Okay, so why are you so worried about what happened to my jacket? It was just an accident.” 

Alec frowned, straightening his slouched posture as he looked across to the younger teen. “I know, but it’s your favourite.” 

Jace nodded. “Yeah, but it’s just a jacket, Alec.” 

Alec was baffled, he hadn’t known what reaction to expect from Jace, but the calm confusion was not it. “It’s _your_ jacket. I know how you are with your clothes. You’re so careful and any time anything gets damaged you work so hard to fix it – and then I just took your favourite thing and destroyed it.” Alec sniffed, inwardly cursing at the moisture he felt filling his eyes, quickly reaching up to wipe it away, frustrated with himself for not keeping it together. He had no right to be upset, _Jace_ did. 

“Alec.” Jace’s voice was so gentle and kind, it almost sent the Lightwood boy over the edge, but he fought to reign himself back in.

“I just, I know how you are with your clothes.” He repeated after a moment, once he had regained emotional control and focused over on Jace. 

Jace sighed, the confusion finally having faded from his features as he seemed to have an understanding as to why Alec had been so distressed.

“Look, my dad…” Jace paused a moment, before shaking his head – visibly dismissing whatever thought had been in his mind. “Me being careful with my clothes, that’s my thing, okay? That’s not on you, it’s not about you and honestly it isn’t really about my stuff either.” 

Alec raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m not- I don’t obsess over my clothes because I like them so much, it’s not about that.” Jace struggled to explain, sounding as though he was searching for words that continued to evade him. “I mean, I like this jacket, and it fits me good and it’s really nice – but I like it so much because it’s from _you_.” 

Alec blushed at the sincerity oozing form Jace’s imploring gaze and soft tone. 

“But as much as I like it, it’s still just a jacket, Alec. It’s nothing for you to get so upset about.” He clarified. 

Alec still wasn’t sure. Jace was so careful with his things, there had to be a reason for it. 

“Look, the clothing ... weirdness – that’s my thing, okay? That’s my issue. It’s not something I ever want you to worry or stress about. Okay?” 

Alec nodded. 

He still didn’t understand, not really. But what he did understand, what he could see clear as day – was that Jace was not cross with him, or even the least bit angry; there was nothing but warm comfort flowing through the bond, no anger or irritation - and Alec was too grateful for that to bother questioning it any further. 

“Good.” Jace said with a grin and a nod. 

“Want to go get you a new jacket?” Alec asked. 

Jace appeared to give the inquiry a moment’s thought before shaking his head, reaching out for the discarded clothing. 

“Nah, I like this one.” 

“But it’s ruined.” Alec pouted. 

Jace examined the material. “I think we can fix it.” 

Alec pinched his lips, because he really didn’t think that was going to be possible, and he didn’t want Jace to be stuck walking around in the warped leather. 

“Okay, grumpy. How about we try and fix it, and if we can’t I let you buy me a new one. Will that get the scowl off your face, Lightwood?” Jace teased, his eyes sparkling as he grinned up at Alec. 

“You’re so very generous, Wayland.” Alec mocked with an eyeroll. 

“I do what I can.” Jace cackled as he climbed off the matters, grabbing Alec’s fingers with his and tugging the older teen off the bed. 

Alec couldn’t stop the smile that pulled at his lips as he was dragged out of the room by his best friend – his parabatai. 

The beautiful blonde boy that was just as much of a mystery now as he had always been, but Alec found himself loving him even more every damn day. 

He wanted nothing more than to continue trying to solve the mystery that was his parabatai.

He adored making his best friend happy and as committed to finding more ways to do so.

Jace was slowly becoming Alec’s whole world. 

And the young shadowhunter wouldn’t have it any other way. 


	3. Boyfriends

It came out of nowhere. 

Alec had just been sitting at the desk in his room, looking over a report from the latest mission, when he was suddenly filled with anxiety. It wasn’t an unfamiliar emotion by any means, Alec was anxious all the damn time, but this was different. It didn’t build in his gut the way it normally did before it threatened to overwhelm him. It just hit him, all of the sudden. 

He took a breath, trying to calm down, trying to figure out what was going on. It only took a few moments for Alec to realize that the anxiety that was trying to drown him was not his own. 

_Jace_. 

He stood, pushing away from his desk and making his way through the institute to the training room where Jace and Izzy were supposed to be. They’d both been pretty wound up after the mission and had decided to spar for a bit before bed. Jace had asked Alec to join, but he declined. He wasn’t a ball of energy like Jace and didn’t walk around with a fire inside of him the way Izzy did. Jace had been understanding – the way he always was, and had given Alec a kiss on the cheek, promising he wouldn’t train longer than Alec would need to (as he so elegantly put it) dork-out over the paperwork. Alec had rolled his eyes the way he always did, but hadn’t been able to hold back an impossibly fond smile as he watched his cheeky boyfriend wink and sprint away. 

That had been less than thirty minutes ago. What could have possibly happened in such a brief span of time that would cause Jace to be experiencing so much anxiety? 

Alec entered the training room, scanning the space, he saw Izzy in the corner practicing her aim and made his way over.

“Hey. Not bad, huh?” She greeted with a grin, inclining her head towards the target. Alec gave it a glance, nodding in approval before looking around once more. 

“Where is he?” Alec asked, too concerned to bother with pleasantries. 

“Jace? I thought he went to see you?” Izzy responded. 

Alec pinched his lips, shaking his head. “No, when did he leave here?” He questioned, wondering where the younger man could have wandered off to. 

“Like ten minutes ago.” 

“What happened?” 

Izzy shrugged. “Nothing, we were just sparring and then he said he was tired, I think he was mostly just annoyed though.” 

Alec frowned. “Annoyed?”

“Yeah, he ripped a hole in the knee of his pants and he was pretty put-off by it – you know how he is with his clothes.” She explained, her focus back on the target she was taking aim at. 

Alec chewed on his bottom lip and set out to find his elusive parabatai. 

He knew Jace, and if his clothing was damaged that meant the blonde boy was likely somewhere repairing it.

Jace hadn’t spent much time in his own room since, well since forever, but especially since they became a couple. The two had pretty much moved into Alec’s room, which made most sense because it was where they had spent most their time even before they began dating; it had been _their_ bedroom since Jace first moved in as a kid and that hadn’t changed, even when he was given his own room. 

But he wasn’t in their bathroom or bedroom, Alec had just come from there, and he wasn’t in the training room, so the next natural place for the older boy to look was Jace’s room. 

He saw the light glowing beneath the door in the dark hallway, some relief filtering through now that he knew where his boyfriend was – but the anxiety pumping through the bond prevented him from relaxing. 

“Jace?” He called out quietly, wanting the younger man to know who it was opening the door without actually announcing himself. 

He saw the blonde head peaking up over the other end of the bed as he made his way into the room. Jace was sitting on the floor next to the side table, wearing his navy sleep pants and a soft grey sweater, his back against the bedframe. It was the closest the boy could get to hiding without physically crawling into a closet – and it made Alec’s heart ache. 

He slid down next to his parabatai and sat silently, watching as Jace deftly slid a needle through the worn black material in his lap. 

“Hey.” Jace rasped softly, glancing quickly in Alec’s direction before focussing back down on the pants he was sewing.

“Hey.” He greeted, the volume of his tone matching that of his boyfriend’s. “These rip again?” He asked as he ran his fingers over the old pair of sweatpants. They were Jace’s go-to bottoms for running and training – had been for years – and they were littered with repairs, the one leg actually a big longer than the other because it had been stitched together in so many places. 

“Yeah. Same place as before. I should have patched it better.” Jace muttered, shaking his head at himself.

Alec frowned, not liking the frustration Jace was aiming towards himself. 

“I don’t think your sewing is the issue, babe. They are just old and worn-through.” Alec defended softly, snagging the leg that wasn’t being repaired. 

The smaller frame next to him tensed, Jace’s knuckles going white as he clenched the fabric. 

Alec dropped the pantleg, placing it back on the floor and smoothing it out. “I’m not going to take it.” 

Jace glanced over out of the corner of his eyes, and nodded, but he didn’t quit gripping the material. 

“I’m not going to stop you, you do whatever you want, Jace. Whatever you need to do is fine with me. I just – maybe you could tell me why you feel like you need to do this?” Alec ventured softly, knowing he was taking a risk prying, but hating to see the beautiful blonde boy hiding away drowning in anxiety. “If you want. If not, that’s okay.” He added honestly, he was happy enough just to sit there with the man he loved.

Alec was the one always dealing with anxiety. He was the one who could feel overwhelmed by fears and stress and the pressure he placed on himself – or allowed others to place on him. And Jace was the one _always_ pulling him to the surface when he was drowning. Ever since they were kids, Jace would always find him and calm the storm of emotions that was raging inside of him; some days that meant being a goofball and teasing a laugh out of the older boy, some days that meant fending off the rest of the world when Alec didn’t feel like he could deal with it, and some days it mean sitting quietly and just _being_ with him. 

Jace did it all. He did whatever Alec needed to be okay. 

And Alec was going to return the favor; so if Jace wanted to talk about what had him feeling so anxious, the young Lightwood was happy to listen, but if he wanted to sit quietly and patch his tattered pants, Alec was more than happy to do so. 

“Jace.” He spoke softly, reaching out and placing his hand over one of the ones Jace had grasping his ripped bottoms. He waited for the bicoloured gaze to track up to meet him before he continued. “I can feel your anxiety, your stress, I can _feel_ it. And I don’t understand it, but I would like to, if you’ll let me.” 

Jace ducked his head, curling into himself – looking so damn small that Alec almost couldn’t take it. 

“But, if you’re not ready for that. That’s okay.” He reached out, placing two fingers beneath his boyfriend’s chin and gently nudging his head up. “Whatever you need to be okay, that’s okay with me. Whatever you need.” Alec assured, relieved when he received a nod of understanding. 

He smiled softly as those big eyes oozed gratefulness and love. 

A great deal of the anxiety that had been coursing through Alec faded away, the bond no longer pulsing with panic. His heart rate beginning to slow – likely in time with Jace’s, but it fluttered as a familiar set of full lips captured his own. The kiss was soft and sweet, and it settled something inside of Alec that had been disturbed the moment he had realized something wasn’t right with his parabatai. 

Once their lips parted, Jace stayed close, the two resting their foreheads together.

“Thank you.” He whispered, lips ghosting against Alec’s.

Gratitude radiated through the bond, and the older boy shook his head, rolling it against Jace’s. “It’s nothing, babe.” He insisted, his hand coming up to cradle Jace’s jaw as he met those perfect lips once again. “It’s nothing.” He repeated after the kiss. 

They spent another moment close together, breathing each other’s air and absorbing the peace that always arose whenever it was just the two of them; before they both shifted to lean back against the bed, their shoulders pressed together.

Jace returned to stitching the hole in his pants and Alec rested his head oh the side of the mattress, closing his eyes as he relaxed.

He was surprised minutes later when Jace’s hushed voice filtered through the comfortable silence. 

“My da- Valentine – he didn’t like wasting resources … especially on me.” 

Alec tried to stifle the anger that flared to life inside of him every time he heard the name of the man who had done everything in his power to destroy the beautiful blonde boy whom Alec loved more than life itself. He turned, focussing his gaze on Jace, who proceeded to stare studiously down at the hole that was nearly sewn closed. 

“I didn’t have a lot of things. The clothes I brought with me the day I came here, they weren’t just the only things I had time to pack, that was everything I had.” Jace explained with a shrug. 

Alec thought back to that small bag of stuff, swallowing as he recalled the meager contents. 

“That was just how it always was. I was supposed to take proper care of my things, and if something got damaged, I had to fix it. I wasn’t to be wasteful.” Jace recited, clearly parroting the lessons that had been drilled into him as a child.

Alec repressed a shiver at the thought.

“It wasn’t so bad.” Jace assured, as though he had read his boyfriend’s thoughts. “I didn’t have very much, but I learned how to make stuff.” 

“Make stuff?” Alec queried. 

Jace twitched a smile, looking up at the older boy. “Yeah, nothing exciting, I made some carvings. I carved a bird once, it looked like- … it was pretty.”

Alec nodded, hearing the words Jace couldn’t say. He had made a carving that looked like the bird he had once called his own. Alec had heard the story before, of the bird. The bird Valentine had given Jace on his ninth birthday, the bird Jace was meant to dominate and control but instead had nurtured and loved, the bird that monster had killed right in front of the sweet wonderful boy.

“I spent months making a flute.”

Alec raised his eyebrows at the new information. 

“It took a while to get it perfect. It was hard to find pieces of wood that were all the proper lengths and widths, then I had to hollow them out and attach them all together. I had to get it really smooth – so that I wouldn’t get splinters every time I played it.” Jace explained, a proud smile brightening his face. “It was a lot of work and I didn’t have a lot of spare time, so it took a while but once I finished it was really cool. I even figured out how to play a couple songs on it!” 

“That’s awesome, Jace.” Alec responded, his own lips pulling up into a smile in response to the excitement all over his boyfriend’s expression. 

“It was.” He agreed with a nod, though his smile began to fade as he looked back down at the pantleg he had just repaired. “One night, on a hunt, I got blood on my shirt.” 

Jace’s voice had lowered, taking on a haunted edge that made Alec feel all levels of uneasy. 

“I tried to get it off, really I did, but by the time we got back it had been on there so long. It was too set in to get out. I scrubbed at it so hard that I put a hole through the fabric. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to clean it, so I hid it.” 

Alec followed Jace’s gaze down to the pants in his lap, and watched as trembling fingers traced the freshly-sewn section. He placed his hand on Jace’s lap and grabbed hold of his hand, holding it securely – absorbing the tremors. 

A pleading gaze locked onto to Alec. 

“I didn’t think he’d find it. He’d never really bothered with any of my things before, and I still had a couple shirts left so I didn’t think he’d ever notice that one went missing. I really- I really didn’t think he’d find out.” Jace implored, as though he was desperate for Alec to believe him. 

The older boy nodded, indicating his understanding because he knew that was what Jace needed. 

Jace sucked in a deep breath, his eyes dropping once again as his tone became distant. 

“It was days later and we were having dinner – and out of nowhere the shirt I ruined was dropped on top of my plate.” Jace swallowed, his entire frame shaking. 

Alec could feel the fear slipping through the bond, and it was suffocating. 

“He wasn’t yelling – but that was always worse, when he was quiet. He lectured me about being wasteful, about not being careful enough. He wouldn’t let me explain anything or even apologize - when I tried to, he slapped me so hard that my chair flipped backwards.” 

Alec flinched, nauseatingly disturbed not only by the horrific way his beautiful boy was mistreated and abused, but also by the nearly nonchalant way Jace spoke of it. 

“By the time I got up, he was holding my flute in his hand – the one that I made.” 

Alec’s insides twisted impossibly tighter and he tried to stop his own hand from shaking as he held tighter to Jace’s. 

“He said- he said that if I can’t take care of my belongings, then I don’t deserve to have any.” Jace choked out, the words rasped in a broken voice. 

Alec felt tears sliding down his cheeks, but paid them no mind – he didn’t care about a damn thing beyond the shattered young man at his side. 

“Then he set my flute on fire, dropping it down on my plate with the shirt. He moved to stand behind me, his hands on my shoulders, not allowing me to turn away as I watched them both burn to ash.” Jace stated, sounding like he was back int that room with that monster watching something he’d worked so hard to create being destroyed. 

“Jace.” Alec choked out, having no words that could remedy the travesties Jace had suffered. He’d been a _child_. A child who had been desperate for love and had received nothing but hate and torment. It made Alec sick. 

The sound of his name appeared to pull Jace out of the memory he had been reliving, and he turned to face the older boy, his gaze softening with sympathy as he reached up and swiped the moisture from Alec’s cheeks. 

“Every time I damage something, get it stained or ripped – all I can hear is his voice.” He confessed softly, hand gripping hard to Alec’s as he slid his thumb over the tear-damp cheekbone. “I hear him telling me that if I can’t take care of my things, I don’t deserve to have any. So, I try to fix them, to repair them – so that I can prove that I deserve to have them. You know?” He asked softly, his eyes shining with question, seeking understanding – perhaps even justification for his feelings, confirmation that he wasn’t crazy.

“Yeah, I know. I get it now.” Alec rasped out through his tears, reaching up to slide Jace’s hair off the side of his face, leaning forward to kiss a lone tear off his cheekbone. “I get it.” He repeated, wrapping his arms around the small body that curled into him, shifting so his legs were encasing the slim frame. He felt Jace’s chest rise and fall as the younger man breathed slow and deep, his face pressed into Alec’s collarbone. He knew there was an ache inside of Jace – he had felt it on occasion. 

It was actually one of the first tings he had felt after the parabatai ceremony; it had taken some time for Alec to realize the echo of agony he could feel did not belong to him. It had literally stolen his breath, his heart wrenching at the realization that his best friend spent everyday with that ache inside of him. Alec had tried to bring it up once, but had quickly realized that Jace didn’t truly know about it – he had grown so used to the pain he carried inside of him that it went unnoticed. Alec had never spoken of it again, not wanting Jace to know that he occasionally could feel things through the bond that apparently the young boy himself wasn’t even fully aware of. 

It wasn’t present often, but there were times when ache would appear – times like now.

His arms tightened around Jace, pulling him impossibly closer as he tucked his head down next to his boyfriend’s.

“I’m sorry, Jace.” He whispered, more tears slipping free from beneath his closed eyelids as he felt Jace clinging tight to the back of his shirt and hiccup into his chest. “I’m so sorry.” He croaked. His mind torturing him with images of a young boy being smacked so hard his chair was thrown back and then being forced to watch as the musical instrument he had worked so hard to create was burned before his eyes. He thought of how panicked Jace had been when he’d gotten blood on one of his shirts soon after he’d arrived, how he’d been terrified of the punishment that was to come, how the small scarred body had been trembling; he thought of how Jace would get quiet when his clothes were damaged, which made sense now that he knew the dark place the boy’s mind went to. 

_Angel_, Alec had desperately wanted to understand why Jace was the way he was with his clothes, but the discovery was ripping his heart out. 

It wasn’t the first fact he had uncovered about his parabatai that tore Alec apart – and he feared that it wouldn’t be the last. But that was okay, because the more he learned about the mysterious young man, the more he would know how to comfort him, the better he would be able to protect him. 

“Jace.” He called softly, pulling away just enough to get a view of the pale face. “Whatever you need to do to be okay – if you need to patch every item of clothing and scrub away stains – that’s _okay_, Jace.” Alec assured, trying not to lose his words as he stared into those big bicoloured eyes. “You don’t need to hide or tuck yourself away, there’s no shame in doing what you need to do be okay.” 

“I just- I know that it’s weird and I don’t really know how to explain it. And I don’t really want to.” He added in a softer voice. 

“And you don’t have to, not ever.” Alec declared, a fierce protectiveness coming through. Jace didn’t have to explain himself – he didn’t need to elaborate on his traumas – to anyone, not even Alec. 

Jace twitched half-a-smile, his gaze appreciative as he nodded. 

“And thank you, for- for letting me understand. I know it was hard, and you didn’t have to – so thank you.” Alec said, knowing how difficult it was for Jace to open up about his life with the man (or rather, monster) he had thought to be his father.

Jace shook his head. “I want to tell you. I want us to be able to talk about everything – I don’t want to ruin what we have by hiding things or not being able to open up to you – I want to let you in. I just- it’s not easy for me, but I want to keep trying.” Jace was so genuine and insistent, Alec could barely take it all in. 

“It means a lot to me that you can trust me like that.” He admitted, knowing that he was the only one Jace had ever shared details about his childhood with. He was the only one Jace ever trusted enough to be vulnerable around. 

“I’ve always trusted you, Alec. You were the first person I ever trusted in my life.” Jace declared, his voice raspy as his eyes began to fill. “Even when I don’t share everything that’s never because I don’t trust you. There are just some things I don’t know how to talk about.” He confessed, sounding apologetic – which was the most unnecessary thing of life. 

“Of course, Jace. There’s no pressure. You get to decide what you want to share and when, just know that I’m here. I’ve always been here and I always will be, whether you want to talk or not, babe. Okay?”

Jace nodded, gratitude and love flowing so powerfully through the bond that it took Alec’s breath away. He responded the only way he could think to, leaning down and capturing those perfect red lips. Jace melted into the kiss, his hands moving from where they had been on Alec’s back to cup his jaw and slide up into his hair. Alec pulled Jace closer as he deepened the kiss, his hand moving around to slide under Jace’s sweater and press against the parabatai rune. He felt the slim frame against him shiver at the contact as his own rune pulsed with the warmth of a love more powerful that he’d ever known. 

They parted breathlessly, but remained close as they continued holding onto one another. 

“Babe?” Alec spoke quietly, not wanting to taint the peaceful environment they had created. 

Jace hummed a response, as he gently wiped at the tear-track Alec knew must have been marking his cheeks. 

“You can bleach all the stains and sew all the holes you want, but I need you to know that you deserve the world.” 

Jace blushed at the comment, ducking away for a moment before Alec nudged his head back up. 

“I mean it.” He asserted, he wasn’t just trying to flirt, he was being completely honest. “You could ruin every piece of clothing or go around breaking every damn thing in the institute, and you would still be worthy – be _deserving_ of **everything**.”

“Alec.” Jace sighed, an objection in his tone. 

The older boy shook his head, knowing full-well how damaged Jace’s self-worth was – if Alec ever got his hands on Valentine he’d tear that bastard apart – and knowing he couldn’t change that in one conversation, but needing Jace to hear what Alec believed with all of his soul to be the absolute truth. 

“You _do_, Jace. You deserve so much! You are kind and loving and selfless and brave, you’re _amazing_, and you deserve everything.” Alec declared with complete confidence.

Jace gave him a helpless look that was equal parts pure unadulterated love and utter disbelief.

Alec knew that his boyfriend didn’t believe a word he had said; his entire childhood he had been taught he wasn’t worth a dime more than the weapon he wielded, and that kind of thinking was difficult to alter, but that was okay, because Alec would gladly spend the rest of his days convincing Jace of his invaluable worth. 

“Alec, I can’t- I just…I’m sorry.” Jace stuttered, his expression apologetic as he hung his head. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Jace.” Alec assured, knowing what his parabatai was struggling to say. He reached forward, cupping Jace’s jaw and guiding his face back up into view. “You don’t have to believe it, love. Just know that I do.” He spoke. 

Jace nodded, turning his face into Alec’s hand and pressing a kiss into his palm, a single tear escaping from beneath his closed eyelids. Alec gently swiped it away with his thumb. 

“I love you.” Jace declared with a love more honest and sincere than Alec had ever experienced pouring through both the younger man’s gaze and the bond; but there was also a spark of fear that hid in the shadows of those bicoloured eyes and snuck through the bond, the way it always did when Jace spoke those three words. 

Because to love was to destroy and to be loved was to be the one destroyed.

That piece of shit Valentine had taught the sweet blonde boy to fear love. 

To fear being loved and to fear loving anyone or anything.

And Jace did. 

But he fought his instinctual reaction for Alec. He resisted his inner terror for his boyfriend. He struggled against the lessons taught to him by that monster, he disregarded the patterns he had learned from past life experiences – he fought his very nature, all for Alec. All so that he could love the older man and express that love in countless ways, including verbal ones, on occasion. 

He did it all for Alec. 

Now if only the older boy could get his boyfriend to accept the love he battled so hard to give away. 

“I love you too.” Alec proclaimed, keeping his voice soft, as though to not spook the beautiful boy in front of him. 

Jace shied away from the statement, the way he always did, Alec simply smiled and wrapped his arms around the smaller frame, pulling it close.

Jace settled against him, curling into his chest and breathing a soft sigh.

Yes, Alec would do everything in his power to make certain that one day Jace would understand exactly how deserving he was of belongings and family and _love_. 

Jace deserved everything good the world had to offer. 

He always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart melted a wee bit writing this chapter. Anyone else feel the same reading it? Or am I just being overly-emotional today?


	4. Husbands

Jace frowned upon waking. 

_Where was Alec?_

He almost always woke up surrounded by his husband and he almost never woke up alone. 

He shifted, wiggling back a bit to see if he could find his husband sleeping behind him. 

Nothing. 

His frown deepened even as he still remained very much under the fog of sleep. He never woke up alone. He and Alec usually woke at the same time – generally due to the sound of the alarm clock because neither of them were morning people, but even on days where Alec had to get up early for a meeting or something, Jace always woke when he did. The alarm didn’t even have to go off, Jace would wake at the absence of arms around him or the feel of his husband’s chest sliding out from beneath his arm or simply the disappearance of the body that he had gotten so used to having next to him. He was an extremely light sleeper; his father (or the man he thought to be his father growing up) was the one to thank for that. Valentine hadn’t accomplished (certainly not for a lack of trying) molding Jace into the weapon he dreamed for him to be, but he had managed to beat (quite literally on occasion) vigilance into the young boy. The impromptu ‘training sessions’ that ripped Jace out of his bed at any hour of the night had taught the boy to always be ready for anything, even when he was asleep.

Sharing a bed with Alec had managed to change some of that. He’d been able to let his guard down because there was finally someone he could trust, someone he believed with his whole heart would protect him, someone he felt safe with. Jace hadn’t known sleep could be peaceful, until the night Alec had crawled into his bed and wrapped those ivory arms around him. 

Jace’s guard was down with Alec and his rest was deep and refreshing, but he remained a light sleeper – he imagined that he always would. And Alec knew that. He knew that whenever he climbed from the bed – whether he had to disentangle himself from Jace or not – his husband would wake, at least to some degree. That was why on the occasions where he was beginning his day before Jace, he would get up from the mattress, but the moment Jace would begin to rouse, he would lean back in and press a gentle kiss to Jace’s temple – it was all the assurance the younger man needed to know that everything was okay, that he was safe, and would allow him to curl up and fall back asleep. 

But that hadn’t happened this morning. 

And it left Jace feeling unsure and adrift. 

He tensed at the quiet sound of shuffling feet; someone was in the room. He listened carefully, hearing movement but not detecting any sort of approach – it sounded more like someone quietly puttering about the space. 

A part of him knew he wasn’t in danger, but the other part of him remembered all the times during his childhood that a harmless sound had turned into an attack. He couldn’t begin to count the number of nights he had been pulled from his bed by his ankles – attacked in his sleep and forced to defend himself or suffer the painful consequences – or ripped from rest and forced into a hunt, shoved into danger before he could even rub the grit from his eyes. 

Jace remained tense and ready for a fight as he peaked open one eye, only relaxing once his bleary gaze landed on a familiar figure standing over by the closet. 

_Alec_.

He closed his eyes a moment, taking a calming breath as he unclenched his muscles and settled back into the mattress. 

“What are you doing up so early?” Jace murmured into the pillow, grinding his face into the feathered surface in that way that always had Alec comparing him to a kitten. 

He heard his husband chuckle, the sound sending warmth through his insides. 

“It’s not early.” Alec responded, a smile in his voice.

Jace scrunched up his face, peaking over at the alarm clock on the side-table. It was nearly ten in the morning. He grunted his disapproval; he was so fucking tired. He had been out all night on a mission, had just returned to the institute about four hours ago. 

Long fingers wrapped around his blanket clad foot, prompting Jace to squint down at the end of the bed. Alec was holding a stack of clothes in his free hand as he sent one of those cute lopsided grins in Jace’s direction. 

“Go back to sleep, babe. You’ve hardly gotten any rest.” 

Jace sighed, turning over in bed and staring up at the ceiling. He was still so exhausted, but memories of the nights of his childhood, memories of Valentine, were playing out in his head and he knew sleep wouldn’t come, not peaceful sleep anyhow. 

And he knew Alec had a meeting in half an hour – which would leave him alone and that would ensure that his dreams would be from pleasant if he even managed to fall asleep. 

“Nah, I’m up.” He muttered, stumbling off the bed and towards the bathroom.

“Jace, you hardly got any sleep. There’s nothing that needs to be done today. Just lie back down and get some rest.” Alec pleaded softly. 

Jace smiled fondly at the gorgeous man standing there in his jeans and soft black long-sleeve shirt – his hair still ruffled with bedhead as his beautiful eyes were trained on the shorter frame. Alec was so damn adorable when he was all worried. 

The younger man deterred from his route to the bathroom to stretch up onto his tiptoes and plant a grateful kiss on those pretty pink lips. It took Alec a moment to react to the contact, but once he did the kiss became far sweeter and impossibly more tender. 

Jace hummed a content noise as he pulled away, dropping back on his heels. 

“You sure you won’t go back to sleep?” Alec asked, reaching out and running his thumb beneath Jace’s eyes, probably over the darkened skin that Jace knew was shadowing his eyes. 

“I’m sure.” Jace confirmed. “What are you doing with those?” He questioned, redirecting the conversation.

His husband gave him a knowing look, but didn’t push the matter as he glanced at the stack of clothes beneath his arm. 

“Just organizing the closet.” 

“In the morning?” 

“As good a time as any.”

Jace raised an eyebrow, before shrugging and moving back towards the bathroom. 

“You have that meeting in less than thirty minutes, make sure you get something to eat before hand – or you’ll be too grumpy to be diplomatic.” Jace instructed, his smile widening at the way his husband huffed and rolled his eyes. 

“I’ll go get some breakfast when I finish up here.” 

Jace nodded, satisfied that Alec would take proper care of himself. “I’ll see you after your meeting.” He said, his heart warming at the happy little smile that appeared on Alec’s face. 

“Okay, I’ll probably be—

“In your office, going over your notes – like you do after every meeting.” Jace finished with a cheeky grin. 

“Smart-ass.” Alec accused, though his smile hadn’t faded. 

“You love my ass.” Jace replied with a wink, satisfied by the sound of his parabatai’s burst of laughter as he closed the door to the bathroom. 

By the time he had showered and finished his morning routine, Alec was in his meeting. He made the bed, the way he did most mornings, towel drying his hair as he moved to the closet. He noticed the difference as he began to scan the space, and immediately made the connection to just what his husband had been up to that morning. 

A few times a year Alec would go through Jace’s things and remove the items of clothing that were especially worn out, the ones Jace had bleached clean and stitched back together more times than could be calculated. He would rid of them and just a couple days later Jace would find new clothes in their place. It was a routine Alec had begun not long after they had become a couple, and one he had continued through the years. He usually did it at times Jace wasn’t around, but the younger man always noticed. He would return to the room after a mission or a long day of training the rookies, to find the closet as perfectly organized as always – but he could always tell when items were missing and it never took him long to clue in to what had gone on in his absence. 

The sight of it today made him feel that same warmth as it did every other time. 

Because Alec did all that for Jace, he did it because Jace _couldn’t_ – because no matter how hard he tried he could never toss away a single item of clothing without hearing his father’s voice ringing through his ears, telling him he deserved _nothing_. 

Alec knew that, and instead of getting irritated by it or frustrated, he was understanding and he stepped up and did the things that Jace couldn’t. He saw the weakness and instead of trying to fix Jace or push him to do things he wasn’t able to – Alec simply took on the task, he did it with compassion and kindness just like he did everything else. 

Jace’s heart clenched, his love for his husband overwhelming him. 

He pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, quickly selecting one of Alec’s sweaters over his own, zipping the warm black material around him. He knuckled at the corners of his eyes, before tucking his hands into the sleeves as he yawned. 

He stared longingly at the bed for a moment, before his mind was assaulted by a memory of a much younger him being yanked violently off the mattress and tossed onto the floor, a weapon being pressed against his throat as Valentine shouted at him for being weak and unprepared. 

Jace shivered, turtling into the soft fabric and physically shaking his head, trying to rid of the unwanted recollection. 

He trained until he knew the meeting was through, at which point he moved to the kitchen to make Alec a coffee. He didn’t care for the bitter beverage himself, but his husband loved it and Jace knew how to make it just right for him. 

He slipped into Alec’s office, almost giddy at the warm smile he received the second his parabatai glanced up to see him. 

He placed the steaming mug in front of the strikingly gorgeous man, leaning down to place a kiss on his cheek. 

“Thank you.” He whispered, before pressing another peck against one of those beautifully defined cheekbones. 

“For what?” Alec inquired quietly in response, looking up at Jace, love shining through his gaze even as his eyebrows were raised in question.

“For being perfect.” Jace replied. 

Alec’s face scrunched up. “I’m not perfect.”

“You are for me.” Jace assured without missing a beat, leaning back in to kiss the objection off his husband’s lips. 

He smiled against Alec’s mouth as the older man hummed a satisfied sound. Jace gasped without breaking the kiss as he was pulled into Alec’s lap, laughing softly as he situated himself sideways across the strong thighs, his legs draping off the side. 

“Don’t you have important work to do, Mr Lightwood?” He teased once their lips parted. 

Alec cracked his eyes open, his expression the epitome of contentment as he looked up at Jace. 

“Nothing that’s more important than you, Mr Lightwood.” 

Jace’s grin was so wide he wasn’t sure it didn’t reach his eyes. He would never tire of hearing himself referred to like that.

“Does that mean you won’t be booting me out?” He questioned with a cheeky smile, Alec was notorious throughout the institute for kicking people out of his office, he hated to be bothered while he was working and even thinking was something he didn’t enjoy doing with an audience.

“Never.” Alec vowed, one of his arms draping over Jace’s legs as the other one wrapped around his waist. 

Jace was warmed by the proclamation, even though he already knew that to be fact; he had always been the exception to each and every one of Alec’s rules, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t love that. 

The two sat a moment, Jace settling with his head against his husband’s shoulder as Alec sipped at his coffee.

“You scared me this morning.” The confession came out quiet and without much thought, other than in that moment Jace just felt the need to be as close to his husband as possible and he was beginning to learn that meant opening up. 

Alec startled slightly, and turned to look at Jace, who had just lifted his head up. “Scared you? How?” He questioned, visibly upset by the idea. 

“Sorry, that’s not what I meant exactly, you didn’t scare me it was just…” Jace faded off, searching for the proper words. 

“Just what, Jace?” Alec prompted, ever-so-softly. 

Jace took a deep breath, anchoring himself in those beautifully bright eyes, before he continued.

“Waking up alone. That was what scared me. I just – I don’t know it might just be an off day.” Because Jace had those, days where memories of his past didn’t give him a moment of reprieve. “But I woke up alone, not sure where you were – and all the sudden I was that kid again, that kid who spent every night trying to keep my eyes open so that I would be able to defend myself – protect myself from whatever lessons my fath- _Valentine_ had planned for the evening.” 

Understanding dawned his husband’s face as Alec replied. “I’m sorry, babe. I never wanted that. I just got up and you didn’t seem to wake at all and I didn’t want to disturb you, you were so exhausted when you got back this morning and you’d barely had any rest.” 

“I know, it’s nothing you did, I just- just wanted to tell you where my head is at.” Jace responded, because that was something he was trying to do now, to let Alec in, to be less of a mystery so their relationship could be deeper and stronger.

“I’m still sorry.” Alec said, pressing his face against the side of Jace’s kissing his jaw in apology. 

“Don’t be, babe. You did nothing wrong.” Jace assured, turning his face so their foreheads were resting together. “You’re perfect, remember?” He added with a playful smile. 

Alec hummed a sound that wasn’t complete agreement, but it wasn’t objection either, so Jace would take it. 

“And you don’t have to sort through the closet in secret, you know?” Jace said, pulling back just enough that he could look into those dark soulful eyes. 

“I know.” Alec allowed, clearly understanding instantly what his husband was referring to. “But I know it’s hard for you. And I don’t mind taking care of it – taking care of _you_.” 

Jace could feel the blush burning his cheeks and ducked away. “I wish I wasn’t so much work.” He sighed.

“You’re not. You’re perfect.” 

Jace nearly laughed at the statement. 

“I am not. I can’t sleep on my own without being hit with some PTSD shit, and I’m weird about my clothes. I’m a mess. I mean, _fuck_, Alec – my issues have issues.” 

“None of that matters. You’re still perfect for me.” 

Jace’s heart fluttered as he wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, their faces close. 

“Well thank the Angel for that.” He mumbled, moving in to capture those perfect lips once again. 

The kiss didn’t last long, but it was sweet and comforting and filled Jace with warmth and love. He kept his eyes closed even after they had parted and dropped his head back onto Alec’s shoulder, melting at the feel of a large hand running soothingly up and down his back. 

“You need to work.” Jace stated groggily. 

“And you need sleep.” Alec replied. 

Jace grunted a noise, not denying the truth but knowing it wasn’t something he could have right now. He began mentally preparing himself to get up and leave his husband to his work, when the body beneath him began to shift and suddenly Jace was in the air. 

“Alec?” He jerked into full awareness as he realized he was being carried, but before he could investigate further, he was placed down onto a soft surface. He was set down on the couch that he was fairly certain had been placed in Alec’s office purely for Jace’s own comfort. 

He was still trying to get his thoughts together when he was being gently pressed down onto a pillow and his legs were maneuvered into an extended position. 

“Alec.” He wasn’t sure what he was wanting to say, if he even wanted to object or simply ask his husband just what right he thought he had to be manhandling the younger man in such a way – but whatever it was died from his lips as a blanket was spread over his body and long fingers combed through his hair.

“Get some rest, Jace.” The instruction was whispered softly, followed by a gentle kiss to the temple. 

Jace relaxed into the soft cushions beneath him, cocooning himself in the warm blanket as he stopped working so hard to fight off the exhaustion that had been hovering since the mission last night, but as he felt his husband shift away, he reached out and snagged that thin wrist. 

He forced his eyes to remain partially open as he met Alec’s questioning gaze. 

“You’ll be here awhile?” He asked, trying to sound nonchalant. He was an adult, after all, and he didn’t need anyone to watch over him while he slept – well, he shouldn’t need that, but perhaps he did and if there was anyone who he could be trusted to do so and never ever make him feel badly about requiring such a juvenile comfort – it was Alec. 

“I’ll be right here, babe.” 

The younger man nodded, taking the simple words as fact, always trusting Alec completely, and allowed his heavy eyelids to finally fall closed. 

“You’re safe, Jace.” 

It could have been the whispered promise or the comforting squeeze of his hand, or the blanket being tugged up further around him – whatever it was, in that moment, Jace was filled with absolute peace. 

That may seem like a simple thing for some people, but for Jace peace had always been frustratingly elusive.

But Alec had brought it into his life, just as he had brought trust and safety and love.

And _rest._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Was it any good? Should I do more? Let me know what you think, i'd really appreciate the feedback.   
Thanks for reading! - Sam


End file.
